Approval Addiction: From Fear to Freedom in Leadership
I recently read a devotion on YouVersion called “Practicing Secrecy” that stopped me in my tracks. John Ortberg, in
I recently read a devotion on YouVersion called “Practicing Secrecy” that stopped me in my tracks. John Ortberg, in his book The Life You Have Always Wanted, writes: “Approval Addiction involves not just trying to attract attention for what we do, but also avoiding saying what we truly think if we believe speaking up could draw disapproval.” Jordan Peterson captures this same dynamic when he observes, “When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”
The devotion identified three core fears that drive approval addiction: the fear of being rejected, the fear of being misunderstood, and the fear of someone’s position. As I reflected on these words, I immediately thought of a tool I use regularly with my leadership clients from GiANT Worldwide called Self-Preservation. We all build walls of self-preservation, and these three fears Ortberg describes are exactly the bricks we use to construct them.
GiANT addresses these fears by asking four penetrating questions: What am I afraid of? What am I trying to hide? What am I trying to prove? And to whom? These questions cut through the surface behavior to expose the deeper motives driving our need for approval. Scripture speaks directly to this struggle in passages like John 12:42-43, where we read that many leaders “loved human praise more than praise from God,” and John 9:22, which describes the fear of being “put out of the synagogue.” Proverbs 29:25 reminds us that “fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”
When I find myself being influenced by fear, I ask, “What is the opposite of fear?” Peace, freedom, confidence, trust, self-awareness, and truth come to mind. Yet our approval-driven culture has created perfect conditions for this addiction. Social media provides instant feedback loops that condition us to measure worth through external metrics. Performance-based systems in education and parenting reward conformity over authenticity. Consumer culture equates personal value with others’ validation. Leadership cultures often punish vulnerability while rewarding image management, creating environments where leaders feel they must hide their struggles and uncertainties.
The traps we fall into vary, but they follow predictable patterns. Some of us become chronic people-pleasers, changing our values to fit in with whatever group we’re addressing. Others avoid difficult conversations that could create tension, even when love and truth require us to speak up. We make decisions based on potential reactions rather than principled convictions. We perform perfectionism as a shield against criticism, exhausting ourselves trying to maintain an impossible standard. The scope of this problem is staggering, according to a 2019 Gallup poll, just 3 out of 10 employees strongly agreed that their opinions count at work.¹
False sources of approval abound in our digital age. Social media metrics provide fleeting, superficial validation that requires constant feeding. Title and position worship creates external identity that can be stripped away overnight. People-pleasing appears to create harmony but breeds resentment and inauthenticity in relationships. The consequences are severe: we lose touch with our authentic design, become reactive rather than proactive, and exhaust ourselves maintaining multiple personas for different audiences.
But everything changes when we seek God’s approval instead. Philippians 2:5-8 shows us Christ’s example, who “emptied himself” despite having every right to human approval. Jordan Peterson, though writing from a secular perspective, recognizes this same truth: “It’s in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. It’s not in happiness. It’s not in impulsive pleasure.” When we anchor our identity in God’s unchanging love and acceptance, addiction moves to identity. This transformation touches every aspect of leadership.
When we are healthy and our gaze is focused correctly on God rather than self or others, we can think back to those four GiANT questions with an entirely different perspective. What if I have nothing to fear? What if I have nothing to hide? What if I have nothing to prove, to anyone? When we can answer these questions from a place of security in God’s approval, we operate from a completely different posture.
Paul captures this transformed mindset in Philippians 4:8: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” When we’re free from approval addiction, our minds are liberated to focus on truth rather than imagined threats, on what is pure rather than what we’re trying to hide, and on what is excellent for its own sake rather than what might win us validation.
This shift changes our mindset. A new mindset changes our actions and attitudes, producing new behaviors with new outcomes. When you have nothing to fear, you can take God-honoring risks and speak difficult truths with love. When you have nothing to hide, you can lead with vulnerability and create an environment where others can thrive. When you have nothing to prove, you can invest in others’ success without feeling threatened, and you can admit mistakes without your identity crumbling.
Our lifestyle becomes attractive instead of addictive because our focus is God, not self or others. People are magnetically drawn to leaders who operate from this secure place because it’s so rare in our approval-driven culture. They sense freedom and authenticity, and they want it for themselves. This is the essence of multiplicational leadership, when we’re free from approval addiction, we naturally create environments where others can find that same freedom.
Operating from God’s approval means we lead from abundance rather than scarcity. Our worth becomes fixed and secure, not fluctuating based on performance reviews or popular opinion. We gain courage to speak truth in love, even when it’s unpopular, because our identity isn’t at stake in others’ reactions. We can receive criticism without being crushed or becoming defensive, using feedback as a tool for growth rather than a measure of value.
Galatians 1:10 captures this transformation perfectly: “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” Colossians 3:23-24 reminds us that “whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,” and Isaiah 51:12-13 asks, “Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass, that you forget the Lord your Maker?”
The peace that comes from seeking God’s approval alone isn’t just personal; it’s transformational for everyone we lead. When leaders operate from secure identity rather than approval addiction, they create environments where others can do the same. This is the foundation of authentic leadership and the beginning of organizational cultures that prioritize truth over image, growth over comfort, and purpose over popularity.
When we’re anchored in God’s unchanging approval, we’re free to lead from our authentic design rather than others’ expectations. We can be vulnerable about our struggles because our worth isn’t based on appearing perfect. We can make unpopular decisions when love and truth require it because we’re not dependent on others’ agreement for our sense of value. We can invest in people’s growth even when it creates temporary discomfort because we’re operating from God’s long-term perspective rather than immediate approval.
This is the journey from approval addiction to secure identity, from living in fear of what others think to resting in the truth of who God says we are. It’s the difference between a leadership style that exhausts and manipulates, and one that attracts and multiplies. When we know whose we are, we’re finally free to become who we’re meant to be. That doesn’t just impact us, it has a ripple effect on everyone in our circle of influence.
REFERENCES
Gallup Workplace Survey: Item 7: My Opinions Seem to Count Gallup, 2019
Ortberg, John. The Life You Have Always Wanted. Zondervan, 1997.
Peterson, Jordan B. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos. Random House Canada, 2018.
