Were You Raised to Be Happy, or Just Successful?
I challenge you to answer this question about yourself, to yourself, honestly and privately: Were you brought up to
I challenge you to answer this question about yourself, to yourself, honestly and privately:
Were you brought up to be happy? Or to be successful?
You can only choose one, as I guarantee one was prioritised in your upbringing.
The answer may not come straight away. And I urge you to sit with it.
Your brain or body may reject you deeply thinking about this as deep down it knows you may not like the answer. But it is a crucial one for you to know so you create the life that you want.
At this point, you may be looking for guidance or deflecting – it’s a private exercise for a reason – and may be wondering: What about you, Helena? What’s your answer?
I’ll tell you quite frankly, successful is my answer.
Well, mostly. I’ll tell you how Happiness landed in my life as a way of living.
My Happiness Moment
I believe this moment is different for everyone. And if you cannot name it, I encourage you to dig deeper to find it or start now in creating that chapter in your life where Happiness is your default.
Here is mine –
If you have been to Brazil, have any connection to the country, or are Brazilian yourself – I’ll tell now, that you have an unfair advantage when it comes to Happiness. Every time I meet a Brazilian, I’m sure to tell them that Brazil gave me the gift of true Happiness – and what a gift!
When I was in my teens, I lived in Brazil with some of my family. I always had its influence in my life through my Dad, and we would visit often, and perhaps I’d have a Brazilian friend here or there. But I never truly had Brazil or its gift truly integrated into my life before moving there again (I lived there when I was younger as well).
It’s easy to credit the beautiful beaches, the warmth of the people, the constant movement either in dancing, laughing or partying, the endless coconuts I had by the lake, perhaps even the gorgeous sunsets on the water which were brought by the same sun that gave everyone a healthy glow.
And I’m sure all of these things contributed to it, but do not explain the gift of happiness alone.
I remember reading Mo Gawdat’s book on Happiness. Something that stuck with me was that the idea of being happy is our default, and is the absence of unhappiness. So for those hard times you’ve experienced and pulled through, remember that those have played a part in realising your happiness too.
In my attempt to explain it: it was the energy of the place, the care and depth of the people and the experiences unique to Brazil which made me feel a certain way that no other experience or place has done so. That life itself – not performance – was the point.
Perhaps it was the introduction of the concept “Saudade” – the uniquely Brazilian awareness that joy and longing can exist together – into my life.
Whatever it was, the common thread was this: None of it was measurable. None of it was tangible. Yet it shaped me more deeply than any achievement ever has.
It is something really hard to explain. But for those who have felt it – wherever you were for your Happiness Moment – you know exactly what I am talking about. And for those yet to feel it, I sincerely wish you the best of luck as it brings me back to what matters every single day.
Why Success Becomes the Priority
It’s easy to see how success became the dominant goal.
At home, conversations often centred around school performance, exams, future prospects. Always from love, always from preparation for the world.
And for those who didn’t have these questions because their parents did not show up as parents, I hope you know that’s not your fault and that you have found or will find your Happy Self.
At school, we were largely judged on one narrow definition of intelligence: the ability to memorise and perform. Creativity and sport were welcomed if you were lucky, but rarely central.
Labels followed us. Some positive. Some limiting.
Many of us carried them into adulthood without realising.
Even our friendships reflected this conditioning. Think about the questions we ask each other:
Did you get the promotion?
When are you buying a house?
Are you getting engaged?
What’s your next big move?
These are not wrong or bad questions. Celebrating others’ achievements brings genuine joy. But notice that they focus on outcomes, not experiences. Metrics, not meaning.
And success is prioritised for a very simple reason – it is far easier to measure.
Titles. Assets. Net worth.
These provide instant validation, especially when we feel uncertain about ourselves.
But if happiness is missing, success can become a disposable band-aid.
I must say as well that as an economics nerd, I also notice how deeply this mindset connects to the global pursuit of growth and productivity. We measure progress collectively the same way we measure success individually.
What I Am Not Saying
I want to be super clear on something. I am not preaching that you should give up your career, throw away ambition, or that “money doesn’t buy happiness” – it certainly makes life easier and less stressful.
I actually encourage you to chase after all these things, and more, but never at the cost of your Happy Self. Some of the happiest people I’ve met are “poor” on paper but they had good health, great relationships and knew what they had.
And I’ll tell you a universal truth: Happiness will bring Success, but Success alone will not bring you Happiness.
It may make you feel good but this is validation, surface level confidence and worst of all, shaky foundations that allow you to lose your true self.
Why do you think so many people have a mid-life crisis in such busy and successful lives? The busyness distracts them, and the success validates their path short-term but not what they truly want for their future, for their lasting happiness.
I can guarantee that you will be Successful, if you are Happy first.
Why Does This Matter to Me, as in YOU?
At this point, you might have forgotten that you’re reading a magazine focused on business and innovation. But this is core to whoever is in business.
Entrepreneurs shape environments where people spend most of their waking lives.
Leaders influence not only performance, but people’s happiness, including their own.
And sustainable growth is only possible if you remain true to your Happy Self.
If you are building something, you are also shaping Happiness.
And if you’re a parent, I ask you to please raise your children to be happy, not just successful.
And as a reader, I sincerely hope you have re-met where your Happy-self was (re)born.
And if you have not met them yet, that you are around the corner from giving them that warm, tight “I’ve missed you” hug.
